Its about making memories worth repressing
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Randomize
