He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize