she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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