I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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