We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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