All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
