Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
