quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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