I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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