I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
