brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't deserve a penis
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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