I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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