That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We need to rekindle our bromance
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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