please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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