Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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