You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
