Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
