Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize