There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i think my cat just said my name.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
