I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm like, not good at living.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
