you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
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naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
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When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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