im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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