i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
