hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
