he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
