Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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