pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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