when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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