I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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