Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just had sex on a roof
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
