i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
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Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
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That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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