ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
