we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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