sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
