Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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