i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
