i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
