i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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