Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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