Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
