fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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