I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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