i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
