Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
