a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
