someone get that fucking seahorse.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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