dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
