Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
