Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
