We won't sleep together?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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