ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
