two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
