You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
