i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
