Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize