She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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