I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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