guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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