take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
