I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
