when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
