if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
