You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
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I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
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Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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