After last night, I could never be a politician.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
