THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
