roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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