His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
