Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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