we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
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I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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